Rituals and Habits

"It's only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important" - Steve Jobs. 

I used to suck at saying NO.

People often used to ask me to go out for socializing; my response would be Yes, sure thing. The day after, I was overwhelmed with the amount of work I have on my schedule. Moreover, the productivity used to fall due to staying all night out and lack of sleep and motivation. 

I used to regret my actions; I felt frustrated even though I was the one who said Yes to them in the first place. 

Unconsciously, I know many tasks are to be done, including my work, education, fitness, cooking, and cleaning.  So I decided next time if invited, I will ask if things are necessary and majorly they are not so a simple 'No' will be more productive and leave me with no stress and resentfulness,

But it wasn't easy. There were many times still I said Yes, not that I wanted to but because I didn't want to be seen as rude, arrogant, and unhelpful. I had friends who thought alcohol is life, trying to escape reality, and they invited me every time, and I said No and stayed home. I know how it ends up staying up all night drinking and losing productivity for the next day. 

I wanted to help them by saying No and tell them they shouldn't be doing as well. But I thought as Jordan Peterson says, "When someone is drowning, you have to approach them extremely carefully. This is because, if they are panicking and they grab you, then you both drown. And that's stupid because you both drown".

The most significant disadvantage of having too many people around you is too many commitments. Apart from dear ones and close friends, there are people from Gym, work, University, and sports. I used to feel stressed sometimes. How am I going to be everywhere and finish up my to-do list?  What about my helping my clients as a Hair Expert? What about the self-help platform Rituals and Habits I dreamed of creating?

 

To answer all those questions, I looked up to people who are achieving heights, how they work, and their priorities. I started following masters like Tony Robbins, Elon Musk, James Clear, Joe Rogan. I took bits of their values and belief system and made my way of achieving productivity. 

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This is how I learned and mastered saying No and be free from stress and resentfulness:- 

1. Here's a quick calculation to give you the financial value of your time:

Your time is the only resource that has utmost value. If you're in your early 20-30s, your time is much more valuable than the one in their 50-60s. 

Just for the sake of argument, let's say you are paid $50-100 an hour for your work.

If you know your schedule and how valuable your time is, before saying Yes to new commitments, ask yourself, am I ready to lose my time and hourly money for something that I wouldn't consider worthwhile? If you are skilled at something, the minimum avg pay per hour is $50. on avg, a person wastes 4 hours a day being unproductive. Now that sums up to $2000 a month and $24,000 a year. 

Source- inc.com

If you tell the person honestly, Man, look, I have work to do, making my day productive, and I am sure you have something to do. The person will appreciate your honesty and openness. 

2. Maybe you're selfish, or maybe not. 

There is no harm in choosing with whom or how to spend your time. But it would be selfish to ask in return for other's time if you don't value theirs at first—That's how it works. 

Think about this: You must have heard or experienced that at every stage, you lose friends because as you grow, you start evolving and choosing where to be, so unconsciously, you are saying no.

More often than you think, our decisions and behaviors originate from the beliefs we were narrowed into as a child. At Least in my case, saying No is impolite. Where I come from, say one No, get ready to get your ass whooped. 

Source-wattpad.com

3. They won't hesitate to say NO.

Whenever you say YES, think at that moment, will this person hesitate to say NO to me? 

Follow your gut feeling, and it will tell you what is Right and Wrong at that moment. You might not want to hear this, but sometimes our close ones value their priorities above you, which puts you in resentment. You need to understand the value of their personal space and time. 

I am not suggesting to be brutal and deny every chance of socializing or anything. If you have prior commitments, you have to say the word. No, which takes courage and self-confidence. 

4. You need to know your Yes.

Before you master the power of saying no, you have to know what you're going to say Yes to when you're saying no. 

Think about this- Every time you say no, you're saying Yes to something else- something that will make your day or life more productive or lead to achieving your desired goals. 

If you have something important to do on your schedule, whatever amount of pressure is on you from the group, you will keep denying it. 

5. Create an encouraging environment 

There are times where others can easily manipulate us; that is not your entire fault; the other person might have a skill for that. But being manipulated can be avoided by creating a favorable environment where personal space and time are valued. 

If you have the right people around you, you would never feel pressured or even explaining or giving them a reason; they will understand without even you mastering how to say NO. 

Source-meme generator

"Protect your space and circle. Invest in people who you know will feed you just as much goodness as you do them". Alexandra Elle 

Conclusion 

Saying no won't be easy, but slowly you will master it. Once that happens, you will realize the things around you are in order; you're happy, productive, less stressed. 

Always know your schedule and commitments so that you won't feel pressured. There is no harm in choosing personal time and space; you do not need to feel guilty about it. 

It's your energy you have all the rights to use wherever you want to, the more honest you're about it, the more people will respect you for that. 

SALIL ARORA

JULY 2021